“I thought the arrows were just for decoration,” says local traffic menace with rental Clio and unlimited confidence.
PLAYA DE LAS AMÉRICAS, TENERIFE —
Witnesses report that, for the third time this week, a tourist has heroically challenged the concept of “traffic direction” by attempting to drive his rental Clio through a bustling pedestrian zone, pausing only to consult Google Maps and looking confused.
Sources confirm that 28 year old Oliver Smedley, on a self proclaimed “journey of cultural discovery,” has discovered that Spanish road signs are, in his words, “just like Monopoly rules; up for interpretation and probably optional.”
The Local Experience
“I honestly thought the blue circle with the red cross meant ‘park here for VIP access,’” Smedley explained, recounting how he left his Clio straddling a zebra crossing outside a pharmacy. “Back home, we call that a shortcut.”
Eyewitnesses recall Smedley merrily ignoring a line of honking motorists as he reversed into oncoming traffic, stopping only to ask a group of horrified German pensioners, “Which way to the volcano, mate? Left or, like, more left?”
Rental Car Companies Remain Calm
Pedro González, manager of “Si Me Pierdo” Car Rentals, seemed unconcerned. “He bought the premium insurance. He could drive it into the Atlantic and we’d just give him a floatie,” González shrugged while filing the paperwork for yet another lost hubcap.
SatNav: Agent of Chaos
Passengers, including Smedley’s girlfriend Lucy, claim their only navigation tool, a 2014 era TomTom, has done nothing but urge them to “turn right” down increasingly narrow goat trails. “I think we parked in someone’s living room,” she admits, “but at least the goat was friendly.”
Locals Adjust Expectations
Locals have stopped trying to help, instead opting to record Smedley’s exploits for a rapidly growing TikTok series, #TouristVsRoundabout. “We used to warn tourists about driving rules,” says barista Maribel Cruz. “Now we just say, ‘Beware of Oliver in the Clio.’”
Oliver Reflects
Smedley remains undeterred. “It’s all part of the adventure, innit?” he said while consulting a sun faded map and eating a packet of prawn cocktail crisps. “I came here for the culture, and I reckon I’ve added some of me own to the roads.”
Tenerife officials have reportedly responded by ordering many more “Wrong Way” signs and a six month supply of traffic cones.
At press time, Smedley was last seen entering the exit ramp to the TF-1, waving cheerfully and yelling, “SatNav says it’s quicker this way!”
